There is a divide in the church on many issues and believers are divided on various things from the music we play in our churches, to the existence of spiritual gifts, baptism and how the Holy Spirit exists in our lives. These issues are generally more public, but here is one that has a little less spotlight shining on it: whether men and women can be friends and how we are to navigate these friendships. Some say that male-female friendships are totally normal. Others view that these friendships should not exist at all. Others believe that friendship with someone of the opposite gender must lead to a romantic future, or else it has no value. The church would condemn this as negative thinking from the secular world, but for some in the Body of Christ, our view of friendship is just as bad. I believe that God is gracious enough to give us the opportunity to build healthy friendships of the opposite gender and see positive effects from them.
044: Pamela Naidoo – How To Make Friends With The Opposite Sex
They are, by default, prone to feeling insecure, overly territorial. In other words, they are still growing up. Not justifiably, anyway.
Are friendships with the opposite sex friends BEFORE marriage okay? I guess it ultimately depends on what your friendship looks like! If you have a healthy.
As you experience the gravity and commitment of engagement and new marriage–the weight of love, in the best way–have you wondered how your friendships with the opposite sex could, or should, change? Throughout our relationship, my husband and I have learned the value of clear boundaries in friendships only through our error and blindness. There was the time his female study partner began sharing deep emotional scars with him, appreciating his sympathetic ear, only to develop romantic feelings for him.
It made me wish they spent less time together. There was the period where I felt out of place at my first corporate job, as one of the youngest employees and as someone just beginning to navigate the social politics of office life. When I met a male technical writer who was also a recent hire, one who shared my sense of humor and had similar tastes in music and literature, we became fast friends.
My husband was hurt when he learned my friend spent significant time chatting one-on-one at my desk and that we shared inside jokes and instant-messaged throughout the workday, sometimes more frequently than I communicated with my husband himself. There have been the times of hesitancy when we have made plans with another couple and struggled with the awkwardness at being alone with the opposite-sex partner while waiting for the other to come home or meet up, not wanting the other person to feel uncomfortable.
My husband and I have been blessed with the grace to be honest and forthright with one another and have never wrestled with distrust or jealousy. Perhaps, though, in the past we took our deep mutual trust for granted: in knowing our level of fidelity and commitment to each other, maybe it became too easy to be overly open with friends and to drift into conversations of an overly personal, intimate nature. The answers will look different for every couple; so long as a spirit of good will is present and your expectations are not rooted in envy, control, or fear, talking about your friendships will help you navigate them in a prudent way as you enter into marriage.
Ask yourself: how can I honor my beloved?
Are opposite-sex friends okay if you are in a committed relationship?
Growing up I always got along better with guys. Unlike most of the girls in my class, my closest friends were guys. Instead, I found guys to be straightforward, simple, and relatively drama free. Plus, my interests aligned better with the male population — sports, sports, and more sports. For whatever reason, I just clicked with guys better than girls despite my best efforts.
Next Live Stream: 9 am Service — please wait. Watch Now: 9 am Service. I guess it ultimately depends on what your friendship looks like! If you have a healthy friendship with good boundaries, then friendships with the opposite sex are okay before AND after marriage. Some of the answers below will elaborate on this. It may look different for different friendships, but there are some important things to consider in all of them. Again, a key question is: would anything about this friendship have to change if one of you started dating or married someone else?
If so, change it now. Then you are probably spending too much time alone together. How much of your heart do you share with each other? Think about your future spouse sharing this much of themselves with someone else of the opposite sex. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity. Usually both people in this relationship want the benefits of having a relationship without calling it dating, and without committing to or investing in each other.
In nearly every case of this, someone is being set up for heartache and disappointment, since often at least one person ends up liking the other and wanting more than the other is willing to give.
Just Friends? Here’s Why Having Opposite Sex Friends Could Be More Trouble Than Its Worth
The beginning Don’t share private details of your marriage with anyone of the opposite sex. Define your relationship as friends only, suggests “Psychology Today. Lean on a mentor, pastor, life coach, or a trusted friend of the same sex. It took me a long while to understand that I wasn’t supposed to be everything for him, and he wasn’t supposed to be everything for me.
This is especially true if we have close friends of the opposite gender. Opposite Sex Friendships: 3 Scenarios and What to Do reminded him that I had told him for us to go on a double date with my friend and his girlfriend I.
In , When Harry Met Sally posed a question that other pop-cultural entities have been trying to answer ever since: Can straight men and women really be close friends without their partnership turning into something else? According to The Office , no. According to Lost in Translation , yes. According to Friends … well, sometimes no and sometimes yes. Screenwriters have been preoccupied with this question for a long time, and according to a new study published in the Journal of Relationships Research , the question is also likely to be on the minds of people whose romantic partners have best friends of the opposite sex.
For the study, Eletra Gilchrist-Petty, an associate professor of communication arts at the University of Alabama in Huntsville, and Lance Kyle Bennett, a doctoral-degree student at the University of Iowa, recruited people, ranging in age from 18 to 64, who were or had been in a heterosexual relationship with someone who had a different-sex best friend. The possibility of romance between friends of the opposite sex has not just fascinated writers and directors for decades; it has also been a frequent topic of study for psychologists and sociologists.
According to prior studies, sexual attraction between cross-sex friends tends to decrease the overall quality of the friendship —and is also extremely common. True platonic friendships between men and women of compatible sexualities have, of course, been common for what researchers believe to be a few generations now. Pop-culture narratives like these tend to reinforce the idea that the boyfriends or girlfriends of people with a different-sex best friend should always be on their guard, too—which is perhaps why, as Gilchrist-Petty wrote to me in an email, she and Bennett found most of the participants in the study to be surprisingly lukewarm on cross-sex best friendship as a concept.
The Rules of Opposite Gender Friendships
Friendships can add good and positive influences to our lives and to our marriages. But be informed: opposite sex friendships will destroy your marriage if it goes to far, too close and unchecked. However, it can be a challenge to balance the intimacy of our marriages with the other important friendships in our lives. This is especially true if we have close friends of the opposite gender.
It is important to first of all recognize the challenges and potential pitfalls of such friendships. Estimates are that over sixty percent of all couples will suffer through an affair at some point in their marriage.
It can be a challenge to balance the intimacy of our marriages with the other important friendships in our lives. This is especially true if we have close friends of the opposite gender. The first question to ask ourselves is, where are we going to invest our energy and focus? Obviously, our marriage is the most precious relationship to protect.
Not at all. But we may have to make some changes in order to prioritize our marriages moving forward. Read on for a few common opposite-gender friendship scenarios…and how to handle them. That is, unless your spouse is feeling deeply unnerved by it. Your treatment of the situation should help reassure your spouse that your friendships are safe. If you can, involve your spouse in the friendships, or build them into couple friendships.
Is It Okay To Want Opposite Sex Friendships?
The year is , 21st century. Much has changed over the decades, especially men and women. At one point in time, men and women served the sole purpose of being bonded together in monogamy, exercising classic gender roles. As time went on, goals of achieving monogamy seemed to have been crushed as infidelities occurred repeatedly.
Many frown at the idea of keeping opposite sex friends after marriage or while in an exclusive relationship. But we must agree that it might be quite difficult and impractical, especially for the sociable ones, to sever friendly ties after marriage. What if there was a way to keep your single opposite sex friends without hurting your relationship? Before forging ahead with opposite sex friendship when you are in a relationship, you must be sure that you have clarified the boundaries with the friend in question.
For instance, some single ladies have a penchant for developing a thing for their married counterparts owing to a perceived sense of responsibility and commitment on the part of the latter. If you intend to keep an opposite sex friendship while in a working relationship, it is pertinent that precautionary measures are taken. Post-marriage opposite sex friendship without precautionary strategies can potentially send your relationship to the grave.
Many marriages fail because of sheer carelessness and the failure of the partners to keep the communication lines open. Prior trust issues compounded by lack of proper communication in budding relationships are often detrimental to the union itself. Reassuring your spouse or partner of your utter commitment and loyalty to the relationship, both verbally and by means of practical measures, might be a good way of successfully keeping an opposite sex friendship without hurting your relationship.